Dear Former Car Rental Company,
I thought writing this down would be easier, but it’s not.
Look, I don’t think we should see each other anymore. There I said it. I wish it was as simple as “it’s me and not you,” but you and I both know that’s just not true.
It was always something with you, financially speaking. I practically went broke while we were together. “Oh, sorry, I just need you to cover one more thing. You know how it is.” No, I have no idea why you needed that extra $50.
And all those late night calls? I stayed up until 2 a.m. trying to get you to hear me out. How many of those three hours were on hold? WHAT WAS THAT WEIRD MUSIC? It felt like you were giving me the run around, not even listening. I can’t be sure, but it definitely seemed like you kept passing me off to other people because you couldn’t solve my problem or “make me happy.”
It wasn’t just the long phone calls. Everything felt like a transaction with you. It’s like you didn’t even try to get to know me.
Too many times I said I wanted more space. I needed something bigger and better than what you could offer me. I have expensive taste, and I’m really sick and tired of apologizing for it.
But hey, things weren’t all bad. Remember that time I was in a rush and needed a quickie? It was totally unexpected too. I thought it was going to be the same old middle of the road experience, but you were feeling generous and gave me an insane upgrade that rocked my world.
I chased you for years after that. You told me we couldn’t have a relationship until I was 25! I thought it was such a random age, but I knew you had your reasons. It was worth the wait, but I’ve grown since then.
I need more than you can give me. I need consistency, something I can count on. I want to know that I’m getting the best every single time.
I know I shouldn’t name names or anything, but I guess I feel like I owe it to you. Fine, it’s Silvercar, okay? I’m leaving you for Silvercar because I know I’m getting an Audi. Because I can use my phone. Because they give me free Wi-Fi and satellite radio.
I don’t mean to rub it in. I just want to be honest.
Look, maybe one day we can be friends again. Maybe I’ll pass you in arrivals as I head out onto the street of LAX. Maybe you’ll smile, and we’ll both know I made the right decision.
Your Favorite Customer